The email I received from Zach was short, and now all that seems to come to mind about it were the words about paying my gas both ways and fishing for steelhead. He had me at pay your gas both ways. Zach didn’t know that I had traded in my Tacoma 4 cylinder for a Chevy v8. He noticed instantly when I got there.
Oregon is pretty foreign to me, although I have fished there some, I really don’t know much about the place. 5 things I know for sure now about Oregon are-
- Californians are liked about as much as VD.
- People for some reason can’t drive worth a shit there.
- Steelhead are chrome, hot and to be respected.
- It never stops raining!
- Fly Fishermen are paranoid about keeping their spots secret (good reason to be).
Zach's Attempt to Bring Man-Purse Back
After 500 miles of travel from Chico, I arrived at Mertens house and met the family, had dinner, then helped Zach load his boat for the 4:00 am wake –up call. The plan was to meet Matt McCrary (of Drake Magazine Centerfold Fame) in the morning and head to the river.
Matt works at a shop in Gresham, (Northwest Fly Fishing Outfitters) and is from the Portland area. McCrary is built like a Sherman Tank, likes to fight MMA and has a fucked up knee that he won’t see the doctor about. Dude doesn’t like doctors, but likes getting socked in the face? Something is wrong there. Matt, they won’t cut your fucking leg off bud, just offer you some good drugs. FYI, I have had three Shoulder surgeries, and I’m from California, BUCK UP! Actually I won’t argue with him about it. Wraslin’ Matt wouldn’t be fun, bum knee or not.
Sherman Tank Makes Big Steelie Look Like Pinner
In Oregon people swing…”flies” that is, and it was my first time on the river with one of those two handed swords they like so much. Dude, I have swung one handed rods for Steelhead in California many a day, but the whole Spey thing was super foreign to me. All I could think about was casting without sticking the fly in my taint, so it wasn’t surprising when Steelie Dan grabbed my fly, tail walked, then left my punk ass standing there all lonely holding my rod. Maybe what was most surprising was that I actually got hit on my first day of fishing. Is this normal? What’s that saying about the sun and a dog’s ass? Then again “Where the fuck is the sun, in the rain forest known as western Oregon?”
Later, when Zach and McCrary rolled up, I still looked like Mr. Bill. I had a question for them right then and there, “Does it ever stop raining here?” It didn’t, and neither did the action. Zach managed to put a big fish in hand (using Marabou Tube – Pink & Purple), and lost another. McCreary broke a rod, then used MMA like skills to hand line it to his feet, but got broke off, then got ripped later in the day. “It’s always like this” Zach said, then gave a “yea right” laugh.
On day two I was surprised to wake up to dry weather. When we finally got to the river I strung up, and then the rain began. “Dude, this is ridiculous!” I thought to myself. It’s no wonder why Oregon is covered in moss, at least Western Oregon. Half way through day two, I was standing there, Red Fish Taco, 8 feet of t-14 when lightning struck again, this time I made good on it.
Roach Coach Brings the Taco to the River
A little running, some screaming runs, help from a friend and there she was, a perfectly built specimen so bright, she appeared to be wrapped in tin foil. Gently without lifting her too far from the water, we pulled the hook and let her swim away, it was one of the best feelings I had ever felt. “Let it rain hard!” I was saying, then I managed to slip and went swimming in the river. When I swim, I prefer the warm, leech laden ponds of the Central California valley. Later, wet and cold, Mertens brought me back to life with a cup a noodles. Hot water, dried noodles and MSG can do this. My final day on the river ended just like it probably does more times than not, wet, cold and going several hours without getting touched.
I would like to thank Zach, Matt, The fine Steelhead of Oregon, The Paranoid Fisherman’s Society, Rob Elam for pointing out driving only gets worse as you travel north, Hickman’s fish Taco, Jason Lozano, and Starbucks Coffee for having a 24 hour place to get a cup of fine Joe.
No Wonder They Don't Like Californians - Calling Card?
great post kp. makes me want to go to the coast instead of stupid work! good news is you landed one on your first trip, bad news is the ” one that got away” will make you come back to rainy oregon so often you will go back to a 4 cyl. truck. lol. come back to oregon in may and i’ll show you some oregon bucketmouth bass. Im stoked you guys hit it on one of those days.
Bass…I know him! Might need some ring services as well down the road with the ball and chain. Tough call, i am looking at the $5.00 in my bank account, and confused if i should gamble on possible loosing $2.50 on spousal support. A well written Pre-nup may solve this.